MLS Teams React to Upgraded NATIVO Ball

In a ballsy move, Major League Soccer made a bombshell reveal at today’s MLS SuperDraft presented by Adidas.

The beloved NATIVO ball received a facelift and was presented to scores of preoccupied general managers, sporting directors and journalists attending the 2018 SuperDraft in Philadelphia. While the news took many by surprise, some MLS PR teams were on the ball and made themselves early frontrunners for a coveted #MLSSochies award. Before we delve into which teams these were, let’s meet NAVITO 4.0.

Can’t wait to take the new guy for a spin. pic.twitter.com/oeuloGfGTb

First things first, fan suspicions have finally been confirmed by the league — The NATIVO is a male soccer ball. Soccer ball enthusiasts have suspected the NATIVO was a boy since its first edition, given its size and durability. The most compelling evidence came from theorists who were able to acquire a match-used ball and conduct a full examination of its air valve.

This reveal has some fans asking, “Has MLS ever employed a female ball?” “If so, which one?” and “If not, when can we expect MLS to break the grass ceiling?”

We also have this from the official league statement:

“The fourth ball in the NATIVO series, the updated design includes a new panel design the use of sustainable materials. Using a unique six mono-panel configuration, the ball is constructed using thermobonding technology, designed to provide a smooth, even performance and zero water uptake.”

The “zero water uptake” feature was an obvious choice after the 2017 Talen Energy Stadium disaster. It’s also good to see MLS is transitioning towards materials more sustainable than the league itself. Admittedly, I’m disappointed the MLS continues to suppress information about its manufacturer’s stitching procedures, and that in 2018 we’ve yet to see a Bluetooth compatible soccer ball.

But enough about what I think, you’re here to see how your favorite franchises responded to this breaking news on Twitter. From worst to best, here they are:

There was an Effort
FC Dallas and Chicago Fire. When you know you have to engage, but can’t put words together to describe your excitement. These two teams retweeted the league’s announcement and went on with their day.

NYCFC – Great work from the folks in New York to use the soccer ball emoji, because this post is about a soccer ball. I like how they made that connection. However, two things this post is not about: Eyeballs and stars. What were they thinking?

Columbus Crew – Look down. What do you see. I see feet, a carpet that needs vacuumed, and an unknown substance spilled all over my jeans.

New York Red Bulls – The first on this list to consult an English dictionary, and they use words to hit on a ball that’s not even a day old. Also, soccer ball emoji because this post is about a soccer ball.

Orlando City SC – A ball of the ballers, by the ballers, for the ballers. This ball is not for boxers, squarers or pyramiders. Thanks to OCSC for letting us know exactly what the ballers are getting.

Sporting Kansas City – Now we’re getting edgy. It sure does take balls to use a euphemism in a tweet about a soccer ball. Also, soccer ball emoji because this post is about a soccer ball.

Montreal Impact – New ____, new ____ is one of the most cliché social media posts of all time. However, everything sounds better in French. Also, soccer ball emoji because this post is about a soccer ball.

Houston Dynamo – Haha. This is a great tweet.

 

For the 14 teams that didn’t bother commenting on this huge development, get better, or get out.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “MLS Teams React to Upgraded NATIVO Ball

    • According to the Internet,

      “A sphere is a geometrical object with a closed surface. The surface is at a constant distance from a fixed point, which is known as the center.”

      “A ball is an object with a spherical shape, which is often found in everyday life. Even with many variations a ball may retain its spherical shape.”

      So while spherers are often fundamentalist and would never consider a baller to be part of their group, ballers accept all things of “spherical shape” to be under the umbrella of “baller.”

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